EMERGENCY NOTICE: The Department has observed an alarming 500% increase in premature flexulation incidents during “golden hour” lighting conditions and in the vicinity of the notorious 4th Ave Gym Selfie Mirror. This constitutes a national gains crisis requiring immediate intervention. Department analysts have correlated these incidents with a concerning rise in the use of unauthorized hashtag combinations including, but not limited to: #BlessedWithTheBest #4thavegym #4thavegymfoothills #pumped.

The Department has established the following non-negotiable standards:

2.1.1 Minimum unflexed bicep circumference: 21.0 inches (53.34 cm)

2.1.2 Measurement conditions must be standardized:

• Cold measurements only (No, Chad, your post-workout pump doesn’t count)
• Certification by licensed measurement specialist (Your gym crush’s opinion is not valid certification)
• Zero filter tolerance policy (Instagram’s “subtle” enhancement detection system is in effect)
• Documentation must occur under standard fluorescent lighting (Not your carefully curated bathroom LED setup)

Minimum visible vascular development criteria:

• Three (3) distinct superficial vessels visible at rest (Your one bicep vein doesn’t qualify as “shredded”)
• Maintained visibility under standard lighting (Not just when you’re “depleted after leg day”)
• Surface topology must resemble topographical map of the Rocky Mountains (A single visible vein does not constitute a mountain range)
• Pre-workout induced vascularity will be prosecuted as gains fraud

2.3.1 The following activities are expressly forbidden:

• Posting progress pics where the only progress is your understanding of angle manipulation
• “Candid” flexing in group photos (We can see you positioning yourself under that light fixture)
• Captioning any gym photo with “The grind never stops 😤” while possessing sub-21-inch arms
• Using black and white filters to enhance definition (This isn’t 1975 and you’re not Arnold)
• Claiming “lighting hits different today” when your arms haven’t changed since 2022
• Tagging posts with #bodybuilding while still using the assisted pull-up machine
• Any combination of the restricted hashtags #BlessedWithTheBest, #4thavegym, #4thavegymfoothills, or #pumped
• Geo-tagging the 4th Ave Gym Selfie Mirror as your “Office” or “Second Home”

COMPLIANCE ENFORCEMENT DIRECTIVE 21-B

The Department of Swole Affairs hereby establishes a comprehensive disciplinary framework for addressing violations of the 21-Inch Standard. All penalties shall be enforced with maximum prejudice against gains violators.

3.1 First Violation (Minor Infraction):

• Mandatory 45-day restriction to Smith Machine only, with requirement to refer to it as “the real bench press”
• Compulsory viewing of “Lord of the Rings” trilogy (extended editions) to understand what a real journey looks like
• Temporary ban from using phrases including but not limited to: “we’re all gonna make it,” “summer bulk 2024,” and “watch me grow”
• Required to spot the gym’s most talkative member for two weeks
• Prohibited from wearing stringer tanks (violator must wear “Globe Gym” Purple Cobras shirt from Dodgeball movie)

3.2 Second Violation (Serious Infraction):

• All protein shake privileges revoked – violator restricted to plain water in a BlenderBottle (must shake audibly every 3 minutes)
• Gym playlist restricted to Kenny G’s greatest hits, Nickelback, and “What’s New Pussycat” on repeat
• Assigned parking spot relocated to furthest corner of gym parking lot (spot will be flooded during rain)
• Must introduce self as “Still Working On My First Pull-Up” for 30 days
• Required to use pink 5lb dumbbells exclusively for arm training until compliance is achieved
• Mandatory re-racking of weights left by others while wearing “I Love Cardio” shirt

3.3 Third Violation (Critical Infraction):

• Public designation as “That Person Who Curls in the Squat Rack” (warning sign to be placed on locker)
• Mandatory wearing of “I Skip Leg Day” t-shirt for 90 days (shirt must be worn over any other attire, including at formal events)
• Instagram bio must be updated to read “All Photos Taken with a Pump (and good lighting) (and filters)”
• Gym access restricted to “Planet Fitness” locations only – must attend monthly pizza nights
• Required to explain to everyone why CrossFit is “the future of bodybuilding”
• Must post “I apologize for my premature flexuation” on all social media platforms

3.4 Fourth Violation (Terminal Offense):

• Permanent reassignment to Zumba classes (front row only)
• Required to become certified “Shake Weight” instructor
• Must complete all future workouts wearing ankle weights and wrist sweatbands from the 1980s
• Mandatory conversion of all supplement stock to “Gas Station Pre-Workout”
• Required to loudly announce “Time to work on my fitness!” upon entering any gym facility

3.5 Special Enforcement Notice for 4th Ave Gym Selfie Mirror:

• Any violation involving the 4th Ave Gym Selfie Mirror will result in immediate implementation of all above penalties concurrently
• Mandatory attendance at “Understanding True Gains: A TED Talk by Skip Leg Day Larry”
• Required to clean all mirrors while wearing “I Flex in the Cardio Section” shirt
• Automatic designation as “Official Mirror Wiper” for a period of no less than 90 days
• Must verbally discourage all mirror selfies while maintaining eye contact with offender

3.6 Appeal Process:

Violators may appeal their penalties by completing any ONE of the following:

• A single set of 225lb barbell curls with strict form (Note: If you could do this, you wouldn’t be in violation)
• Explaining to an entire gym why the Smith Machine isn’t a real squat rack
• Successfully identifying a protein shake flavor while blindfolded
• Surviving one full session with the gym’s most aggressive personal trainer

Warning: Failed appeal attempts will result in automatic assignment to 6am elderly aerobics class instruction.

Remember: Just because your local supplement shop employee compliments your gains doesn’t make them social media worthy. We’re all gonna make it, but some need to make it more quietly than others.